Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize