I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
