So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
