Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
