i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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