The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
