I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
