Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
