Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
