I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
