We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
