Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
