My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
