Don't make out with my wife yet
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
