I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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