were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
