Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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