I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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