i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
