The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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