I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
