dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
