Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
