Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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