I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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