I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
