I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just invented taco cereal.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
