Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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