Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
