he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize