We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
