Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
