I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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