just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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