I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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