I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
