I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
