Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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