and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
