dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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