The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
