so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
