It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
