Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
