I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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