I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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