why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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