my mouth tastes like poor choices
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
