In America we eat man semen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
