I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
