Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
