Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
