The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
