A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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