just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
