hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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