it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
