I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
