Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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