I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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