And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
