i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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