all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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