I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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