DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
