mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
