This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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