Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
