I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
