His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
