You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
