I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
