Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
