and you said cock pushups were impossible
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm like, not good at living.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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