I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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