absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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