Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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