dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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