Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
