I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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