Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
