I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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