took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
