My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
