My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
